365 days ago we met Han Kun. Sweet, affectionate, curious.

These days he is "all boy and a yard wide," as our friend Janet put it. Runs, screams, and jumps constantly. Eyes us impishly when doing something he knows he's not supposed to (climbing on the living room table, pouring the contents of his glass onto his high chair tray).

Weighs more than his sister. Tears it up at daycare. Chatters incessantly (and breaks my heart because I can't understand a lot of what he says).

Gives us the stink-eye whenever his demands are denied. Yells "Bye! Bye!" and waves enthusiastically whenever he leaves anywhere.

Putting his pyjamas on is like wrestling a pig into a wetsuit.

He jumps so much our downstairs neighbour must think we have a pile-driver in constant service.

And still, he wakes up sleepy from a nap and clings to Dad like a starfish. Puckers his mouth for kisses. Shouts "Mama! Mama!" when I come to pick the kids up from daycare.

Lordy, we love this kid.

Happy adoption day, Nico Tico.

Today is Lia's adoption day. Grandma visited and the two of them played games, made Chinese New Year wreaths and baked cookies. After dinner we watched the video from February 4, 2007, the day Na Fei met her new family. Lia loves the story of how Daddy shook the rattle in his mouth to make her laugh. She stayed in Dad's arms while we watched, and re-enacted the on-screen action with fake cries and cuddling. The most poignant moment in the video is a close-up of Shawn and baby Na Fei, her cheek resting against his chest.

"I loved you so much," Lia said.

"You felt safe in my arms," Shawn said, "even though you didn't know who I was yet."

"But I know you now," said Lia.

-------------------------

Nico was supposed to have surgery today. The surgeon plans to do a lip revision and fistula repair, meaning she will improve the existing lip repair and close up his palate a little more. He also needs an ear tube re-inserted.

But the children's hospital doesn't have enough beds. They're filled with kids who have bronchialitis and respiratory syncytial virus (RSV). As everyone is telling us, we probably don't want Nico there right now anyway. So his operation has been rescheduled for March 12.

It's cool. It'll happen when it happens. In the meantime we're enjoying the cookies and taking a breather. This afternoon I got to go shopping by myself. I bought pyjamas and slippers.

-------------------------

Friday night I'm reading at the Yellow Bird Cafe Fundraiser for Haiti, 7:00 pm at Arlington Woods Free Methodist Church, 225 McLellan Road, Ottawa, Ontario. Come on out if you're free.

Can it be? Today is the day we leave China after our three-month odyssey.

We had a great week in Yangshuo to go out with a bang. We'll have to post our photos once we get home. So much we wanted to write about but we were too busy experiencing it!

Mixed feelings abound. We're looking forward to seeing friends, family, and cat again but we will definitely miss Beijing and the life we created here. Shawn and I were up late last night talking about travel and work and kids and what it all means.

See you on the flip side!

Note: I wrote this entry several weeks ago, the day after Nico's birthday. It seems timely to post now, in the wake of our visit to Lia's birthplace.

----------------------

I've been thinking about Han Kun and Na Fei's Chinese parents a lot while we've been in Beijing. I notice men and women who resemble the kids. I look at Lia in the arms of a Chinese woman and imagine them belonging together, me the white outsider. I wonder how their Mamas and Babas would parent them. I do this not to be morbid or politically correct but from a desire to know, honour and acknowledge the full story of these children and all of their families.

I picture a couple living in the countryside near Lianyungang. A couple that conceived a child in the auspicious year of the Golden Pig. A couple joyful to learn that he was a boy, anguished to see his cleft. How did they talk about their predicament? Who got involved? Who chose the time and place to leave him and who walked away?

The natural parents in international adoption tend to be faceless. Unseen, unnamed (when we talk about her Chinese parents with Lia, that's her first question, "What are their names?") We don't know the stories of how their children came to be left. We don't see or hear the emotions that ravage them. They're rarely on adoption panels. We can't read their blogs.

A few weeks ago I came across this story about one mother's pain and powerlessness as she fought to keep her cleft-affected daughter. The story is written by Amy Eldridge, who works with Love Without Boundaries, a non-profit that works with orphans in China:

I was sitting in the intake room one morning when an anxious young woman came running in holding a tiny bundle. I could immediately tell that the baby was a newborn, and I asked our Chinese director to break the bad news to the woman that the baby was far too young for surgery. As she was given the news, the young lady burst into tears and began pleading and begging to have her child be seen. My friend came over to me and told me that I needed to go and speak with the woman in private, and so I did. She pulled back the blanket to reveal a tiny baby girl with severe cleft lip. The mother told me that her daughter was 28days old , and that their period of confinement was over in just 2 more days. As she was crying and talking, the mom kept kissing her baby's forehead, and she kept telling me again and again, "I love her....I love her so much."

But then she went on to tell me that her extended family would not accept her
daughter since she had been born with a cleft lip. They felt this tiny baby would bring shame to them all. With tears streaming down her face, she told me that her mother-in-law was coming to take the baby away from her in two days' time. The mom was begging me to heal her daughter, to make her daughter beautiful, so that she could keep the baby that she had carried inside of her for 9 months….the daughter she loved completely. When I explained that the baby could not safely be put under anesthesia at four weeks of age, she fell on her knees and was sobbing at my feet, pleading and crying and begging me to help her. Right now...even typing this story....it brings a pain to my chest that I cannot describe.

Yesterday was a happy day as we celebrated Nico's birthday. Somewhere a few hours' flight away, it must have been a sad day of painful memories for a family that mourned for him. I promise not to forget.

Almost a week later, we are still absorbing the impact of our visit to Lia's hometown. What an intense day. I am journalling about it privately because so much of it feels too personal to share, but we did want to post a few highlights.

We were lucky in that the local guide we hired, Coby, is from Yingtan so he knew the local dialect well.

The van ride from Nanchang to Yingtan took under two hours, and we actually arrived at the Social Welfare Institute (SWI) earlier than expected.

We walked through the building up to the reception room, where they served oranges, bananas and dates for the kids (there go the clean jackets!). I showed them photos and then they let us look through Nafei's file and take pictures of the pages. A few precious discoveries in there, such as a footprint and a photo of Nafei as an infant.

They took us to visit the baby room, and while we were there, Lia's foster mother arrived. It was an emotional reunion. As you can imagine, Mama Zhu missed Nafei very much. She told us later that Nafei was the last baby she fostered because it upset her so much when the babies left.

The SWI director took us all for lunch at a very fancy restaurant in Yingtan. Mama Zhu sat next to Lia and made sure she had all the rice and pork she wanted. Every once in a while, she would grab her hand and say a few quiet words in her ear.

Then we said goodbye to the SWI staff and drove to Mama Zhu's village to visit her home. They lit firecrackers for our arrival and Lia was impressed. Mama Zhu served lychee fruit, peanuts, boiled eggs, and hot water--a spread that Coby told us was reserved for special guests. We shared more photos and gifts and asked lots of questions. We learned that Mama Zhu called Nafei "Na Na"!

It was a boisterous visit, with villagers coming to see what was happening, other foster mothers crowding around showing photo albums of the children they had cared for, and everyone keeping an eye out for the many children underfoot. At one point Shawn went looking for Nico, only to learn he had gone off with someone to get more treats.

Saying good-bye was very hard. We promised to stay in touch and come back as soon as we can.

P.S. Yingtan families who want more details should feel free to email us.

(More photos on flickr.)