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PEK - YYZ - YOW

Can it be? Today is the day we leave China after our three-month odyssey.

We had a great week in Yangshuo to go out with a bang. We'll have to post our photos once we get home. So much we wanted to write about but we were too busy experiencing it!

Mixed feelings abound. We're looking forward to seeing friends, family, and cat again but we will definitely miss Beijing and the life we created here. Shawn and I were up late last night talking about travel and work and kids and what it all means.

See you on the flip side!

Unseen Parents

Note: I wrote this entry several weeks ago, the day after Nico's birthday. It seems timely to post now, in the wake of our visit to Lia's birthplace.

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I've been thinking about Han Kun and Na Fei's Chinese parents a lot while we've been in Beijing. I notice men and women who resemble the kids. I look at Lia in the arms of a Chinese woman and imagine them belonging together, me the white outsider. I wonder how their Mamas and Babas would parent them. I do this not to be morbid or politically correct but from a desire to know, honour and acknowledge the full story of these children and all of their families.

I picture a couple living in the countryside near Lianyungang. A couple that conceived a child in the auspicious year of the Golden Pig. A couple joyful to learn that he was a boy, anguished to see his cleft. How did they talk about their predicament? Who got involved? Who chose the time and place to leave him and who walked away?

The natural parents in international adoption tend to be faceless. Unseen, unnamed (when we talk about her Chinese parents with Lia, that's her first question, "What are their names?") We don't know the stories of how their children came to be left. We don't see or hear the emotions that ravage them. They're rarely on adoption panels. We can't read their blogs.

A few weeks ago I came across this story about one mother's pain and powerlessness as she fought to keep her cleft-affected daughter. The story is written by Amy Eldridge, who works with Love Without Boundaries, a non-profit that works with orphans in China:

I was sitting in the intake room one morning when an anxious young woman came running in holding a tiny bundle. I could immediately tell that the baby was a newborn, and I asked our Chinese director to break the bad news to the woman that the baby was far too young for surgery. As she was given the news, the young lady burst into tears and began pleading and begging to have her child be seen. My friend came over to me and told me that I needed to go and speak with the woman in private, and so I did. She pulled back the blanket to reveal a tiny baby girl with severe cleft lip. The mother told me that her daughter was 28days old , and that their period of confinement was over in just 2 more days. As she was crying and talking, the mom kept kissing her baby's forehead, and she kept telling me again and again, "I love her....I love her so much."

But then she went on to tell me that her extended family would not accept her
daughter since she had been born with a cleft lip. They felt this tiny baby would bring shame to them all. With tears streaming down her face, she told me that her mother-in-law was coming to take the baby away from her in two days' time. The mom was begging me to heal her daughter, to make her daughter beautiful, so that she could keep the baby that she had carried inside of her for 9 months….the daughter she loved completely. When I explained that the baby could not safely be put under anesthesia at four weeks of age, she fell on her knees and was sobbing at my feet, pleading and crying and begging me to help her. Right now...even typing this story....it brings a pain to my chest that I cannot describe.

Yesterday was a happy day as we celebrated Nico's birthday. Somewhere a few hours' flight away, it must have been a sad day of painful memories for a family that mourned for him. I promise not to forget.

Yingtan

Almost a week later, we are still absorbing the impact of our visit to Lia's hometown. What an intense day. I am journalling about it privately because so much of it feels too personal to share, but we did want to post a few highlights.

We were lucky in that the local guide we hired, Coby, is from Yingtan so he knew the local dialect well.

The van ride from Nanchang to Yingtan took under two hours, and we actually arrived at the Social Welfare Institute (SWI) earlier than expected.

We walked through the building up to the reception room, where they served oranges, bananas and dates for the kids (there go the clean jackets!). I showed them photos and then they let us look through Nafei's file and take pictures of the pages. A few precious discoveries in there, such as a footprint and a photo of Nafei as an infant.

They took us to visit the baby room, and while we were there, Lia's foster mother arrived. It was an emotional reunion. As you can imagine, Mama Zhu missed Nafei very much. She told us later that Nafei was the last baby she fostered because it upset her so much when the babies left.

The SWI director took us all for lunch at a very fancy restaurant in Yingtan. Mama Zhu sat next to Lia and made sure she had all the rice and pork she wanted. Every once in a while, she would grab her hand and say a few quiet words in her ear.

Then we said goodbye to the SWI staff and drove to Mama Zhu's village to visit her home. They lit firecrackers for our arrival and Lia was impressed. Mama Zhu served lychee fruit, peanuts, boiled eggs, and hot water--a spread that Coby told us was reserved for special guests. We shared more photos and gifts and asked lots of questions. We learned that Mama Zhu called Nafei "Na Na"!

It was a boisterous visit, with villagers coming to see what was happening, other foster mothers crowding around showing photo albums of the children they had cared for, and everyone keeping an eye out for the many children underfoot. At one point Shawn went looking for Nico, only to learn he had gone off with someone to get more treats.

Saying good-bye was very hard. We promised to stay in touch and come back as soon as we can.

P.S. Yingtan families who want more details should feel free to email us.

(More photos on flickr.)

Hong Kong: Sun, mitten crab and beer

Last week I flew down to Hong Kong to meet up with my friend and SRDC colleague, Taylor, who was home for the week visiting family. Taylor graciously took two days out of his limited home time to show me around his city and introduce me to his friends, and I in turn gave him an excuse to do some of the touristy stuff he had never done before, like ride the Ngong Ping gondola. To get there, I was able to snag a pretty cheap flight to Shenzhen, and then took a bus across the border into Hong Kong, which saved me about two-thirds the price of a direct flight (more details after the jump). I also booked a hostel room on the cheap as well, and ended up in what is probably the world's smallest hotel room:

I don't know how it could get any smaller. It was essentially a 6' bed (note: I'm 6'2"), a doorway, and a bath/shower (i.e. the bathroom doubles as the shower). We had a good laugh about it when the hostel owner opened the door, but when she offered me a larger room, I decided to keep it since I was only going to be sleeping there.

Taylor then took me up to Victoria Peak, where we got a good view of the city before the sun set, and then met up with some of his friends for some restuarant hopping (where I finally got my first taste of chicken feet--not so yum).

The next day we took the MTR over to Lantau Island, where I convinced Taylor to take the 6km gondola ride instead of the bus up to Ngong Ping to see the Tian Tan Buddha (didn't hurt that I paid!), despite its short, accident-plagued history (although Taylor assured me that all has been well since its operations were assumed by the MTR).

After a lovely walk and vegetarian lunch served at the Po Lin monastery, we returned to town and did a bit of shopping (Marks & Spencer!), grabbed a couple of beers on the Tsim Sha Tsui waterfront, and met up with Taylor's friend for dinner of mitten ("hairy") crab--a wonderful treat. We capped the evening with drinks in Lan Kwai Fong and much sought-after Hong Kong milk tea. I'm not a big fan of milk tea, but I did enjoy this.

Taylor headed back to Canada the next day, and I spent the morning walking the various markets near my hotel in Mong Kok and grabbed some lunch and one last beer on the warm, sunny waterfront before catching the bus back to Shenzhen for my flight home. A packed but fun-filled trip.

Here's the full slideshow:

Aside: One interesting observation at the Shenzhen-Hong Kong border was the number of families, and even single men, carrying cases of baby formula across the border into Shenzhen. Apparently, this is a holdover from last year's formula scandal, when 22 Chinese companies were found to be lacing their formula products with melamine to make them appear to have higher protein content. From this article, "Confessions of a 'milkman'" it appears that many Chinese people are not convinced that the problem has been rectified, especially when they hear stories that even now, "baby formula is manufactured on the same production lines as the now-defunct Sanlu group, the firm at the center of the tainted milk scandal." What a costly, time-consuming proposition for these families!

More details on the Shenzhen-Hong Kong direct bus: After discovering that domestic tickets to Shenzhen are MUCH cheaper than direct, "international" flights to Hong Kong, I found out that there's a new, direct bus service from the Shenzhen airport to the Kowloon MTR station. The basic information is contained in that link, but I thought I would mention my own personal experience should anyone want to do the same. Buying a ticket in Shenzhen is pretty straightforward. You'll find the ticket counter for the Chinalink Bus Company near the main arrivals exit; once you buy your ticket (90RMB), you get a sticker identifying your destination and proceed to the waiting area to wait for your departure to be called. Entertain yourself by playing coy with the surreptitious iPhone-knockoff salemen working the arrivals area. The bus takes you to the Shenzhen port terminal where you get off, exit China (fill out your forms!), enter Hong Kong (more forms!) and get on a new bus (if you're confused, just look for a pink uniform and point to your sticker--they'll set you in the right direction). If you're headed to the Kowloon MTR station, get off at the first stop. It's the Elements mall across from the station--which confused me and when I asked my driver if we were at the Kowloon station, he shook his head, and I had to ask him to stop and get off outside the mall when I found out too late I missed my stop. Unbeknownst to me, the bus can take you further into Kowloon, but I don't know where or how far.

On the return journey, you purchase your ticket (HK$100) at the Chinalink location on the first floor of the Elements mall (across from the information booth) above exit C of the MTR station. You can check in for many domestic airlines here, which is handy. While Chinalink says the journey takes 75 minutes, that's overly optimistic, as I found the bus travel itself took a total of nearly 90 minutes (with very little traffic and minimal time waiting for bus departures), and the border crossing took about one hour entering HK and 30 minutes departing. So I would recommend catching a bus at least 3 hours prior to your departure to accommodate any surprises along the way.

If you have the time and are looking to save some money on your China-HK flights, I would highly recommend this option; at least until they complete the rail link to the airport.

Happy Birthday Nico Han-Kun!

We're thrilled to be able to celebrate Nico's 2nd birthday today, and our first together as a family. We learned to sing zhu ni sheng ri kuai le just in time to serenade di di.

The day has been a little odd because Daddy and Lia are quite sick. Mama made crepes for breakfast, and then took Nico to an indoor playground we found nearby. He loved playing in the ball pit, piloting the rocking boat, and rolling around on the water bed. He has just learned to jump with two feet in the air! We also watched a talent performance sponsored by CCTV: the boy/girl hip hop duo was his favourite.

Later Ali brought home a cake and Nico dug in with gusto. Now the kids are playing with the cake box and ribbons.

We look forward to celebrating our two-year-old with friends and family once we get home.

Our Sunny Boy

Nico doesn't get enough airtime on this blog, so in the days leading up to his second birthday, I'll try to rectify that. Here are a few highlights from recent days:

He is starting to speak! By which I mean, use words unprompted in context. We're hearing thank you, more, Yo-Yo, Lia, Nico, all done, ball, and go, plus Mama and Daddy (bless his heart). He babbles and hums and yells all the time so it's funny to hear him using actual language.

If Lia does it, Nico has to do it. We were at a restaurant one day and all of a sudden he started fussing like crazy. Turns out he saw Lia move up on Daddy's lap and he wanted to do the same with Mama.

He's showing even more temper these days. He will throw things, hit, or arch his back and cry if he doesn't get what he wants.

He adores his daddy. Shawn's parental leave has been SO good for the father/son attachment. Just the sheer amount of time they spend together! And Shawn learning to read his cues and developing little rituals with him. They like to cuddle in bed in the mornings. It's not uncommon that when Nico needs comfort, he'll reject me and reach for his dad. One night he was cranky at bedtime and when I picked him up he squirmed out of my arms toward Shawn. Then he made it clear that he wanted to be held cradled in the crook of Shawn's arm (the position in which I rocked him to sleep for many months) and Shawn sang our bedtime song ("MLK: Sleep, Sleep Tonight" by U2) while Nico stroked Shawn's face. Priceless.

He's beefing up! He has gained noticeable weight since the summer, and is only a few pounds behind big sister. We got his hair buzzed a few weeks ago and it made him look even more hefty. He's always had meaty hands but now his legs and arms and torso are chunky too.

Things I Am Proud of Having Figured Out in Beijing

1. How to receive a Western Union wire transfer. Only required two trips and a total of two hours at the Postal Savings Bank of China (not to mention my mom's two trips to Money Mart). Tip: Make sure the sender uses the exact name of the sendee as shown on his or her passport. Including middle name.
2. Where to take our recycling. Finally figured out that the woman by the west gate whose cart is empty in the morning and piled with cardboard and bags of plastic containers at night will pay us for our milk and yogurt jugs (one-tenth of a yuan each).
3. That when we leave the bedroom door open, Lia goes to bed without a peep. (That one was a lifesaver.)
4. The location of the elevators on the Line 10 subway (bitterly disappointed to discover said elevators are non-functional 90% of the time).
5. How to make french fries without an oven (who knew you could actually FRY the things?).
6. That a taxi ride from our apartment to Holiday Inn Lido should not cost 50 yuan (the gypsy cab driver probably thought I was an easy mark but I knew he was asking double the actual fare).
7. That we don't need more than two suitcases full of clothes, provided I do laundry every day.
8. Zhege means "this". Useful for pointing at food when ordering.
9. SPR Coffee has free wifi and is only a ten-minute walk from our apartment.
10. We can totally do this.
Posted by Alison at 08:15 PM | Comments (0)

First Snow

We had quite the cold snap hit Beijing this weekend. On Thursday we were walking around the Chinese Ethnic Culture Park in our short sleeves, and Sunday morning we woke to this:

An expat who has been living here for quite a few years said that this was the most snow he's ever seen in Beijing. And it was the earliest snowfall they've had in 10 years. I suppose, though, that any new records on the books will have to be accompanied by an *; as you'll see from that link, the snow was "artificially induced" to combat the ongoing drought in northern China. (I'm sure meteorologists around the world envy their Chinese counterparts who simply get to report what's on order for the week!) It's supposed to warm up again quickly, though, with the forecast calling for 20C+ days later this week. Nice.

We had a busy Halloween this past weekend. After telling Lia for weeks not to expect much come holiday time, we ended up going to two parties: an open house at Etonkids school on Friday and a brunch put on by Beijing Kids on Saturday. The BJ Kids party was particularly impressive; it was held at the Hilton Wangfujing and featured amazing food, a bunch of fun games, and great loot for the kids. Lia even got a chance to do traditional door-to-door trick-or-treating--albeit within a posh hotel. Here's a quick vid of Lia--I mean Snow White--staying in character while being introduced during the costume parade.

The weekend also marked the end of our second month in China, meaning we only have two weeks left in Beijing, if everything goes according to plan. This week I travel down to Hong Kong for a few days to do some sightseeing and to visit my friend and SRDC colleague Taylor, who's home visiting friends and family. Should be fun!